Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 46

On the Scale
Weigh In: 178.6
Starting Weight: 265.6
Total Loss: 87
Loss this week: 2 ?

I've been going back and forth between this weight and 182 ish for a few weeks now. So I'm not sure of my actual net loss for the week. But I was almost 2 lbs higher yesterday - so I think I have finally beaten this little bump in the road and I'm solidly in the 170s. I'm not proud of the lack of progress I've made this entire month but I am happy to be gaining a little momentum.

In the Kitchen
I'm doing things a little bit differently to try to keep my calories low without going crazy. I'm not counting my fruit and veggie calories - except for things like bananas, peas, sweet potatoes, etc. This is a mind game I'm playing but it is serving me well this week. My intake range has been at 1200 - 1600 and at this stage that makes it a challenge to lose what I want to. I really need to stick closer to 1200 - but I find that really difficult. I feel whiny and deprived at that level. (notice I didn't really say I feel hungry... hmmm.) So my strategy this week was to keep close to the 1200 calorie mark for my protein, grains, etc. calories and then not bother counting my fruit and vegetables. I have been much more likely to grab a clementine or baby carrots when I feel the need to eat something. I guess that's the rationale behind WW new program. Anyway, it's working mentally because I always feel like I can have something to eat if I really want to. I'm also not "really" counting my coffee - I usually have 3 cups with approx. 1/4 cup of 1% milk. That's somewhere around 120 calories for my coffee. I just count it as 100 and move on - no matter how much I have. I try to keep it under 3 cups - and I try to go easy on the milk... this is not good math, and it's not proper calorie counting, but it's great for morale - as long as I'm losing. It gives me the sense of freedom I need but doesn't really impact my progress. Because I lost this week it's easy to say these things are working. If I had poor results I'd be saying I need to count more precisely... welcome to my version of crazy.

At the Gym
Decent week. I went to the gym 5/7 this week and I did some form of cardio every day but one. I've been walking the puppy in the morning and that has been a nice little boost to my calorie burn. Our new YMCA is opening in a couple weeks and that is so exciting. We joined a couple of months ago in anticipation of this. It's less than 10 minutes from my house and they are calling it the best Y in the country. I'm looking forward to adding spinning, swimming, etc. to my routine. We're keeping out gym membership because they're open 24/7 and it's really cheap but I think the whole family is going to benefit from the Y.

In my Closet

No change here for a while. I think I'll be a size 14 for the summer - even if I keep up the pace I'm at now (which I intend to) I don't think I'll need to go down a size until the fall - which is good for my budget. There's room for improvement at my current size. So maybe I'll see a 12 in the Fall... maybe a 10???

Goals and Challenges
I'm trying to give it all I've got to make it to June 21st at 100 lbs. lost. I know I'm not giving it ALL I've got... because I'm still doing things like eating a chocolate covered strawberry at book club last night and doing 30 minutes of cardio instead of 60.... I'm still partly lazy and partly afraid of burnout. I would love it if I could really give it all until June 21. I have 42 days counting today. What would it look like to give my all?

What does it look like when you are giving your all?

Monday, April 18, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 43

Current Weight: 182.2

Starting Weight: 265.6

Total Loss: 83.4

I haven't really done a proper weekly update for a couple of weeks.

I'm in a major funk. I've been having a hard time staying within my calories, I've eaten out too much, I've not been working out like I should. My kids are sick with this major flu-like thing that's been going around - and now an ear infection. I've done very little spring cleaning. I weigh pretty much what I weighed three weeks ago.

On the bright side - we got a new puppy and he's a sweetie. We've had our "Big Dog" for 10 years and he's turning into a grumpy old man. My boys are the perfect age for a puppy so we've been looking casually for a long time - not wanting to pay a breeder. We found this guy at the Humane Society and I fell in love instantly! The only dog we've ever had is a 100 lb. Lab so this little guy is a peanut in comparison - I even let him on the couch! Gasp!

I've known for a long time that real significant weight loss requires full-time focus and it's clear to me that my mind and life are really busy right now and my goals have taken a back seat. After losing so much already I feel fit and healthy so it's easier to forget that I still have weight to lose. Tonight we're doing pictures and measurements - maybe that will be a wake up call.

I should be able to regain my focus this week. My hubby left me notes of encouragement all over the house and even filled up my water cups. My gym just went to 24/7 instead of 24/4 so I should be able to work out more. I have my first 5K this coming Saturday and I KNOW I'll be walking a good majority of it - but I'm still excited. I haven't really gained anything even though my eating has not been perfect. My birthday is a week from tomorrow. I REALLY want to hit the 100lb mark by June 21st which is the one year anniversary of starting this whole journey. I can do it can't I? I think I can - but this morning I don't really KNOW I can. Well, so far so good today. One day at a time right?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

On the Scale Lost this week: 1.2 Starting Weight: 265.6 New Weight: 182.6 Total loss: 83 I had a great week and a modest loss. My weigh in last week was actually on Wednesday - so tomorow could show a little more. I tend to fluctuate at the begining of the week, probably due to drinking less water when I'm out and about on the weekend, but "whatever". I feel good. I was at a livable calorie level all week - I didn't even count meticulously, but I made the lowest choices I could most of the time. With the warm weather coming that means increased activity, and while I can't expect > 2 lbs a week if I don't lower my calories, I should be able to do at least this well. I think I'm content with that. My dramatic loss has already happened. I still want to lose 20 - 40 lbs but that will be much more subtle than the first 80+ . I'm in a happy place today. Emphasis on TODAY. As we all know, this weight loss thing is a roller coaster! At the Gym Solid week. Cardio 5/7 days. Weights 2/7. I upped my weight and I feel good about my progress. Last week I mentioned that I'm not enjoying the treadmill lately. That is still true. I'm just so bored by it. I'm glad to mix it up with other things. I'm looking forward to trying to run outside - I don't know yet how seriously I'll train yet, but it will be fun to try. Goals and Challenges 1. Eat Between 1200 and 1500 calories: Pretty close 2. Cardio Every Day: 5/7 Days, not too bad. I think I'll revise this because I did get tired and I felt like I needed the 2 days of rest. 3. Drink 64+ oz. Water: Check 4. Weight Training 2 - 3 X per Week: Check

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 39

On the Scale
Lost this week: 1.8

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 183.8
Total loss: 81.8

My little vacation a couple of weeks ago derailed me a little bit. Leading up to that point I had been doing very well, even cutting back my calories more. Afterward I found it hard to be focused. Too many restaurant meals and too much sodium and I felt like I had undone all my hard work. But just a few days back to my normal eating and exercise habits and I feel awesome. I drank a ton of water over the past few days and my rings fit normal again - I continue to be amazed at how much water retention affects me - I never knew this was a problem.

At the Gym
I'm really not loving the treadmill lately. I had a brief stint a while back where I thought I would really love running but lately I can't even bear walking on the treadmill for more than 20 minutes. I have a 5K in late April - and so far I have been hardly training at all. I think I will be able to start training outside soon, if the weather cooperates. I don't mind walking a good amount of it.

At the gym I have really been loving the ARC Trainer. I love it. I'm good at it. I get a great workout. Yay for finding something I really like. I am looking forward to more outdoor activity. We got to play baseball with the boys over the weekend and it really felt like spring. Then is snowed on Monday. Gotta love New England!

In My Closet
I'm ready for the warm weather. I have some cute dresses to wear :)

Goals and Challenges
So... about that April 26th deadline... that will not happen unless I cut off a limb or something. but I AM sure I will hit 100 lbs before June 21 - which is the anniversary of my starting this weight loss journey.

I'm going to track my goals daily and see if that helps:

1. Eat Between 1200 and 1500 calories
2. Cardio Every Day
3. Drink 64+ oz. Water
4. Weight Training 2 - 3 X per Week

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Due Date

I've written before how serious weight loss is like a pregnancy. The ever present thoughts and planning. The daily watching for physical changes. There are quite a few similarities.

Going with my metaphor, I'm almost at my due date. Not that I'm that close to my goal weight, but I've been on this weight loss trip since June 21 and that puts me at 38 weeks - almost full term :)

This helps me to deal with the recent funk I've been in. This is a long process - and I've been really focused for a very long time. And like a pregnant woman near her due date is done being pregnant and just wants to hold her baby, I am done with the calorie counting and worrying about how much I'm burning - I just want my new body !

But the problem with my metaphor is this: Serious weight loss is more like parenthood than pregnancy.

It's a life long commitment to a healthy lifestyle. I need to plan and preapare for daily nourishment and activity for my body. I need to make sacrifices and do what's good even when it's hard. I have to do the best I can and trust God for a what is not in my control. It's scary and not glamourous, and sometimes I will get puked on :) but it's worth it. And there is no due date. Once you are a parent, you are a parent every day for the rest of your life.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 38 "The Unthinkable"

Starting Weight: 265.6
Current Weight: 185.6

I did the unthinkable just now. I posted a gain. I weighed in yesterday and I am up 1 lb from my last recorded weigh-in. This is the first time that's happened since D-day - June 21. I know why it happened, which is better than unexplained weight gain, but it still isn't a happy feeling.

We went on a mini-vacation to the white mountains last week. What was supposed to be a high activity, maintain my weight kind of weekend turned into a barely any exercise, eat way too much, gain, kind of weekend.

I'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words. I came home last night from my book club meeting and just said to my husband "I need a break". I meant that I need a break from worrying about losing weight. That was the feeling that I had going in to vacation. I just felt tired of the mental part of weight loss. I just wanted to not think about it for a while. And so while we were away we ate things like Indian food and chocolate cake and pizza. I did make some semi-healthy choices and never went for any of the foods that I consider to be crossing the line. The trouble is, it wasn't a break. I still thought about it all the time. I didn't really enjoy most of what I ate and just felt like it wasn't worth it. I came back and the scale reported 3 or so pounds up - I know that was alot of sodium nonsense and I watched it go down a little each day until today where I had to own up to a genuine gain of 1 lb.

All week long I've been walking on the fence of going all out to lose weight, and eating things that are not helpful. Not enjoying the fruit of healthy eating, and equally not enjoying any real indulgences. I don't like this middle ground. I've always been an "all or nothing" person, and that has changed deeply - which is good, but I'm here feeling pretty annoyed with myself and not sure what to do about it.

I know I don't want to sit here in August and report that I am not at my goal weight or darn close to it. That kind of regret is more painful than this. I'm also looking to alot of funcitonal idols - I want a new coffee table, a puppy, a pedicure... all these things to fill the space that I would have previously filled with ice cream. The trouble is that space belongs to God, His blessings and walking in the good works he has planned for me - my family, a healthy lifestyle, etc.

Aha. No where to run.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,"
even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

That is part of Psalm 139 - which is not about weight loss, obviously. But it is about me and about Him. The truth is, because I'm not distracted by good things in the weight loss department I'm left feeling the void. That void is a GOOD thing. The void brings me to the cross where it can be filled in the right way by the right thing. And the other things will be put in their place.

So this is a good thing. This is a get my priorities straightened out thing.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 37

(end of week 36/start of week 37)

On the Scale
Lost this week: 2.8

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 184.6
Total loss: 81

Its a sunny day here in New Hampshire! My weigh in was great. I did a few things this week that finally broke me out of my slump. I ate less and exercised more! Ha, who knew? But really, since the holidays I've been struggling - knowing that I needed to cut my calories back a bit if I wanted to continue to lose at the same rate but also enjoying not feeling deprived by eating more. I never waivered in my food choices but I would have a healthy snack I didn't need, or a larger portion than I should. I still lost weight but I wasn't in it to win it. That determination returned recently and I have made some difficult adjustments. But almost 3 lbs... that is a nice reward for my efforts. Now I've lost more than 80 lbs and I feel like I'm moving forward (or downward) again.

In My Kitchen
This week wasn't so much about creativity as it was about control. I cut back my calorie intake from 1600+ to between 1200 - 1600. That change meant mostly cutting back on snacks. All this time I've been a 3 meal 3 snack eater. But this week most days I had one or none most days. This hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. I am not an early riser so really, by the time I'm truly hungry after breakfast I am pretty close to lunch time. The hardest has been before dinner because I am hungry when I start to prepare dinner - and then late at night. We workout late and have pretty much always eaten something after the gym, or just late at night even when we don't workout. This week I had herbal tea at night, even when I could have justified a snack because of an intense workout. I decided not to eat my calorie defecit. What am I re-fueling for anyway? Bed? I think this is the change that has paid off the most. I'm not saying I'll never snack again, but I'm trying to pay more attention to my hunger and not eat it if I don't need it.

At the Gym
A great workout week. 5 workouts, 2 rest days. My cardio intensity continues to improve. I'm loving the Arc Trainer. I've also upped my weight in strength. I started using the bench press cage thingy at the gym (I think that's the technical name for it). I thought I was benching 50 lbs and I was proud - but it turns out the bar is 20 lbs so I'm actually up to 60! My husband tries not to be condecending when he high fives me after he benches well over 200.... I've tried a new ab maching and really concentrated on my triceps. I have to fill this saggy baggy arm skin with something! Anyway, I've been sore alot in a good way. We joined the local YMCA so I could have access to some classes and the kids could have the pool. I'm going to try kickboxing on Thursday and spinning next week. With the warm weather on it's way it should only get easier to get in more activity.

In My Closet
I'm still hovering between 16 and 14. I'm restraining myself because I don't want to buy too much at this size, but it's hard because it's been a long time since I've looked this cute :)

Goals and Challenges
I need to keep up these newly refined habits. I'm loving my late night tea and I certainly love losing almost 3 lbs this week so I have lots of incentive. We're going away for a few days this weekend so I'm a little worried about food - but we'll have lots of activity with swimming and snowshoeing so I think it will still be a good week. I have no idea what the hotel has for food and we don't have a kitchen in our room so I'm really not sure what I'll eat. I'll have to give it some serious thought.

Happy March everyone - in like a lion, out like a lamb

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 36

(end of week 35/start of week 36)

On the Scale
Lost this week: .8

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 187.4
Total loss: 78.2

These past two weeks have resulted in only a 2 lb. loss. But that is a loss and I'm happy about that much. I know I haven't been giving it my all so it's not a surprise. My head is not entirely in this and I'm not 100% sure why. I really do think it's just that I've been doing this for a long time now and it's starting to lose it's excitement. I keep waiting for the push that will be like a new beginning for me but it hasn't come yet. Any advice from those of you who have experienced this would be helpful.

In My Kitchen
I've been slacking in the meal planning/trying new things arena. I'm ready to get back to grilling regularly even though the patio is still snow covered. We've eaten out alot in the past few weeks and I'm tired of it. Our healthy eating out choices are somewhat limited and I know I can make better meals at home so I need to just stop being lazy. I have been taking a bite or two of the kids food recently - that is a new problem. I don't think I feel deprived but maybe I do.

At the Gym
Great workout yesterday, another one tonight. I'm considering joining a 2nd gym to take advantage of some of their classes. We belong to Planet Fitness which is great when you want to just use the equipment and be left alone. But I'm thinking that I may enjoy taking a class or two and there's another reasonably priced gym right down the street that I could try for that. I won't give up Planet Fitness because of their hours but it might be good for me to have more options too.

In My Closet
I did the big purge last night. I got rid of almost everything that doesn't fit. The few things I kept are for before and after photos. Except for three tops that I can't part with... I keep telling myself they still look ok but I know they don't. I did a little shopping and I went through a huge stack of things given to me by someone recently. I just love clothes now. My husband also cleaned out and we have a GIANT bag filled with stuff to donate. Fun times. I tried on a dress that I bought for my brother-in-law's wedding 9 years ago. I was 3 mos. pregnant at the time. I wore it also when my son was 6 months old. As I started to slip it on I was prepared to squeeze into it - but it was huge. I was swimming in it. What a strange experience. My mind has not caught up with my body and I find it odd. I really do still think of myself as weighing 265 lbs. Every time I input my weight on the treadmill it surprises me that I'm not over 200 lbs. I have serious spring fever and I want to buy all kinds of cute things - but I just can't yet. I hope to be down a size or two before the serious warm weather. I need hold out for that.

Goals and Challenges
I need to challenge myself to work harder at the gym and I need to be serious about my calorie counting. Most days I eat the same things - and I know I'm eating healthy foods and staying in a reasonable range of calories - usually between 1200 - 1600 but I know that I need to stay closer to 1200 if I want to lose at a steady pace. So here I am again with the same challenge. How do I push past this? If I stay here I will lose 1 lb. or less a week. I know slow and steady wins the race but that is just too slow . . . I envisioned that kind of slow down happening after I hit 100 lbs - but not yet.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 35

(end of week 34/MIDDLE of week 35)

On the Scale
Lost this week: 1.2

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 188.2
Total loss: 77.4

This is my weekly update - a few days late. Computer issues and a general lack of down time have brought me to this late date without an update. I did lose this week. Not nearly tas much as I expected but it's still a loss. I'm not in the zone I need to be in if I want to make my April 16 birthday goal but I have no choice but to keep on truckin'.

All the details of last week and this one are blending together in my mind so I guess I'll save my thoughts for the next update.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 34

(end of week 33/beginning week 34)

On the Scale
Lost this week: .6

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 189.4
Total loss: 76.2

I'm in the 180s! .6 is not a great loss but I like the number. The scale has been up and down all week long. As I posted yesterday in Refresh, this has been a not-so-good week. It seems complicated but I don't know if it really is. Either way, yesterday was a line-in-the-sand kind of day. A restart of sorts. I think I'm discovering that there really is a kind of funk that creeps in now and then where losing weight seems tedious and not as important as it really is. Those times are coming closer and closer together as I lose more. That increase means that I need to focus all the more - I need to do my best every day because who knows how I'll feel tomorrow and what those feelings will do to my end result.

In the Kitchen
Again the previous week in the kitchen is a blur. I've decided to start tracking and planning the meals I cook more regularly. Usually I just plan a certian number of meals and then cook what I feel like cooking out of that list. I'm going to start to try to stick to my plan for a given day - but at the very least I want to write it down since I have a horrible memory these days.

At the Gym
What gym?

In My Closet
So 14 is not as comfortable as 16 so I'm still in between. But I like my clothes and I will have all I need until Spring.

Goals and Challenges
I wrote about my goals for the week yesterday but I'll list them again here:

1. Fresh start with all the enthusiasm I had when I first began in June

2. Wear my bodybugg and track all my calories

3. 1200 - 1600 calories with a 1000+ calorie defecit each day

4. Train for the 5K I'm signed up for in April

So far, so good. I went to the gym last night for 30 minutes of cardio and about the same for strength. I did a little running using C25K. I had gotten all the way up to the end of week 8 and then stopped. I backed up to week 4 to get ready for the 5K I signed up for in April - just 3 days before my birthday and my goal of a 100 lb loss. That should be a great weekend :)

I had a 1300 calorie day yesterday. That was awesome. If I could do that every day I'd be really happy.

Monday, February 7, 2011


Last week was tough for me. The week before I had worked really hard at the gym but had a relatively small loss. That is always discouraging for me. My mother had surgery on Monday and my kids both got sick. That means no schoolwork (homeschool) for them, pretty much all week. My mother is our gym child care so I would have had to go by myself all week which normally I would try to do but with all the obstacles combined with my general discouragement from the annoying results on the scale, I just threw in the towel... sort of. I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted from my healthy foods. No counting at all. I still measured my portions but I know went over my calories by a few hundred each day. And I didn't workout at all. I feel lazy and undisciplined. Blah! I didn't like what I saw this morning but I'm not going to "officially" weigh in until tomorrow. I feel like I should be smarter than to waste a whole week. It was unnecessary.

The bright side of all this is that I didn't eat anything I regret as far as what I ate. I know I ate too much but I didn't lose it completely and get high calorie takeout or anything like that. But the dark side is pretty dark considering how far I still have to go. I didn't learn anything this week that will help me - at least I don't think I did - I just checked out. I feel like I need to go on a diet - lol - seriously. I've been doing this long enough that the way I eat seems very NORMAL to me and I feel like I need to change things and lose some weight. Today feels like a restart of sorts. Like a whole new endeavor to lose weight. I think I need to not think about how far I've come and focus for while on how far I have to go. I think looking back at my accomplishments was contributing to my feelings of boredom, complacency, annoyance with the whole thing. I thing looking back at past success is valuable, but for me, right now, I need to look forward (and in the mirror).

I had a great breakfast, I'm getting a good start on my water, I'm going to the gym tonight, my new iphone is coming today (unrelated but super exciting). Fresh start. There is no room for excuses. Onward and downward.


1. Fresh start with all the enthusiasm I had when I first began in June

2. Wear my bodybugg and track all my calories

3. 1200 - 1600 calories with a 1000+ calorie defecit each day

4. Train for the 5K I'm signed up for in April

Weekly update after my weigh-in tomorrow

Monday, January 31, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 33

(end of week 32/beginning week 33)

On the Scale
Lost this week: ?

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 191.2
Total loss: 74.4

All righty then. I didn't post my weight loss because it seems that there may not be any. I ate the same way I always do and I worked out alot this week. I increased my strength training and I can feel the difference in sore muscles. I actually look and feel leaner even though the scale doesn't think so. My body fat measurement has gone down as well. These changes are all good ones and they make the non-loss tolerable I suppose (said with my best Pride and Prejudice accent). But I'm not giving up hope. I had to weigh in at 5:00 am because I had to take my mother in for surgery. Iusually weigh around 9:00 or 10:00. Last night before bed at about 11:00 I downed at least 48 oz. of water/Crystal Light. I don't know if the measly 6 hours in between is enough to process it all :) I'll weigh in and update my weight tomorrow. Either way I know what I did this week improved my body. I do still need to cut back on my calories but I have learned that feeling deprived is not going to help me in the long run so I'm not really sure what to do. More thoughts on that later.

In the Kitchen
Nothing new here. Didn't try anything new this week - oh, except for No-Pudge brownies for the kids ;) They are yummy - a nice treat once in a while.

At the Gym
I rocked the gym this week. M-Th we did 30 minutes of cardio and then alternated upper and lower body weights. It's been a while since I did lower body and I'm really glad to get back to it. I feel so strong and fit when my legs are a little bit sore. Saturday I did a full body workout. So Friday and Sunday are rest days. I'm thinking about trying to keep this routine every week. Normally hubby and I try to get to the gym 3 times a week but we don't plan specific days and routines and often I don't get all the strength training I'd like to. I think this plan will produce results.

In My Closet
I'm embracing size 14. I ordered a couple pairs of pants. Yesterday I wore a jacket that I have had in my closet for 10+ years. I bought it back then when I was working in a downtown office and had lost a bunch of weight. I have held on to this as a sort of goal item and now it fits. The strange thing is I thought I weight a good 30 lbs. less back then. I don't know if it's my memory that's failing or if it was just bigger on me. Not sure. But I am sure that it fits and I'm thrilled about that. 14 is not my goal by any means but it's a fun stop along the way.

Goals and Challenges
Workout plan is in place. I will have to make it work at home or go to the gym alone because my mother, who normally watches the boys while hubby and I go to the gym, is going to be recovering from surgery for a week or more. And there's been enough talk about revising my calorie intake - now I have to actually do it.

We're expecting another 1 -2 feet of snow this week. Yes, I said feet. Some snowshoeing is in order for sure!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 32

(end of week 31/beginning week 32)

On the Scale
Lost this week: 2

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 191.2
Total loss: 74.4

Earlier this week by body and the scale teamed up and played a mean joke - on Tuesday I actually weighed more than a pound less than my Monday weigh-in. But I must have been dehydrated because it didn't last beyond that day. But none of that matters because I had a great weigh-in today and it's all down hill from here.

In the Kitchen
This week was the week of the awesome salad but I over did that one and now I'm tired of it. We had more pasta than usual in my house. Whole wheat of course but still, a bit much. I made a wonderful sauce and I had mine over eggplant while the boys had whole wheat penne. We also had lobster on Saturday - I am happy to report that my lemon, no butter policy has held firm since this summer. We've had lobster a few times and I truly do enjoy it just as much without the butter. I've also allowed my old friend Vitatop back into the house. I've temporarily banished Luna bars... ah the games we play. We took the kids to Coldstone and I had the a kid's size Sinless Cake Batter. I bought Rocco Dispirito's book Now Eat This and I am so excited to try a few recipes. I'm feeling refreshed in my desire to be creative in the kitchen and this book seems like the perfect addition to my toolbox.

At the Gym
I only made it to the gym once because of my knee "injury" and the laziness that followed. My workout on Thursday was awesome though. I ran a little, incline walked a little, used the Arc Trainer a little... it was good stuff. I bought some new workout music and that makes a huge difference for me. Despite my hatred for re-mixes I bought the Biggest Loser Sports Anthem mix. I love it for working out - honestly I think just listening to it makes me burn calories. We also bought Just Dance 2 for Wii. I used to love to dance but growing up and gaining weight changed that. This was a fun way to be active and add some variety to my exercse routine. I wore my Bodybugg out of curiosity - I burned 300 calories in 15 - 20 minutes! We have a solid gym schedule this week so things are looking good.

In My Closet
I fit into a size 14 jeans this week! They fit fine but I didn't think they looked so good but I wore them on Saturday. When Hubby saw me he said "now that's the size you should be wearing" so I feel pretty good about it. And my 16's really do look a bit silly. Yay for size 14!

Goals and Challenges
My goals are in sight - 185 soon and then on to 165 by the end of April which will be 100 lbs. lost. My #1 goal this week is to make working out a priority not an afterthought. My knee is better, my schedule is cooperating, I have what I need here so I don't even have to leave the house if it snows... I have no reason to not work my butt off this week. I am also struggling still with my calories - In my mind I know I would get better results if I dropped down to 1400 or 1200 but 1600 is just so easy for me. I don't even feel like I have to try very hard at that level - which is good and bad. I'm going to shoot for 1400 today and see how it goes.

Happy Monday everyone! If you live where I live stay warm and check on your eldery neighbors. If you live where it's not the arctic tundra go play outside!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Salad Satisfaction

I thought I was getting sick of salad. But it turns out I was just getting sick of Bell Peppers and my regular salad dressing... I just had the best salad for lunch. 250 Calories at the very most.

Mixed Greens (whatever is the in overpriced fancy greens box I bought this week)

Thinly sliced Cucumber with the skin

Thinly sliced radish

Green Onions

Thinly Sliced Celery

Cherry Tomatoes - 70 for the whole salad

2 Grilled Portabello Mushrooms - 50

1 oz. Goat Cheese melted on the mushrooms - 76

2 TBSP Yogurt Blue Cheese Dressing - 50 calories

Now I know from experience that these are my favorite kind of lunches. Really big on flavor but when It's gone I'm satisfied because it had alot of bulk with the greens. Now that's a salad. I'll get some protein in my afternoon snack - Chobani w/ a tsp. of honey. I could totally be a vegetarian. Except for the pork tenderloin I'm cooking for dinner. That probably counts as meat ;)

Now please look away while I lick my plate....

How do you build a satisfying salad?

Monday, January 17, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 31

(end of week 30/beginning week 31)

On the Scale
Lost this week: 2

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 193.2
Total loss: 72.4

2 is my favorite number. When I lose 2 lbs in a week I feel like I got what I paid for in healthy eating and exercise. Yay!

In the Kitchen
This week I made a few new meals. Beef Tagine from Cooking Light - loved it. Salmon with caper sauce from Jillian Michaels site - so good. I did a good job measuring portions for the most part. I'm trying to bring down my daily calorie allowance but I am just so stinkin comfortable at 1600 ish calories that I find myself there almost every day. If I stay there I will need to burn more and that's difficult in the Winter. Oh well, I lost 2 lbs and ate healthy all week long. My extra calories this week did not include Luna bars for once. I did eat alot of fruit though. I feel good about this. Luna bars are great but they were becoming a high calorie habit. Last night I made roast beef with baked potatoes and gravy and all that... I ate a white potato! gasp! A little too much gravy but there wasn't much fat in it and it made the potato worth it. After 6 months with amost no white potatoes I find them really bland.

At the Gym
I tried the Arc Trainer this week and I really like it. I always thing people look a little funny when they do it and I could feel that I looked that same way but it was a great workout. We also set up our Body Shop and I love that too. I have to be careful I got "stuck" a couple of times where couldn't get out of the position I was in without letting go of the handles and sending myself crashing head first into the foot plate. It was amusing. And my hair got stuck a couple of times. Yeah, I didn't feel very graceful but I got a good workout. It's nice to have some alternatives.

In My Closet
I love that the coat I bought in October was tight then and is now roomy. I have a new love. Target has these great long sleeved "Tissue Tshirts" and they are my new favorite. I wear them under tshirts and sweaters, etc. They are so light and soft. The problem is that I sometimes forget how sheer they are - they don't work for modesty the way my regular layering tank tops do.

Goals and Challenges
I'm feeling pretty good. I hurt my knee today snowshoeing so I am sitting here hoping this doesn't prevent me from working out this week. I fell right on a rock and I really thought it was going to be a serious injury - so if it's just a bad bruise I'll take that. I feel like I'm settled in and focused on my next goal. I'm shooting for 100lbs lost by the end of April. My next mini goal is 185.6 (80 lbs). I'm thinking pedicure...

Happy Monday everyone!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A Metaphor

I had a really deep weird thought recently and I'm not sure if I wrote about it before. I'm too lazy to go check so if this is a repeat you'll have to forgive me.

Losing weight is like being pregnant. When you are expecting it's an ever-present state. No matter what you're doing it's always with you, your body and your mind. You rarely forget about it, even for a moment. At most moments in your day it is the most significant thing going on for you. You day dream about the end result constantly, you spend alot of time planning and preparing your meals and actvities to make sure you keep your baby healthy. You know things will be very different at the end, but it won't be over because you will have a baby, a child, a person to nurture for the rest of your life.

So significant weight loss is like that for me - always on my mind, always the undercurrent to whatever else may be happening. I spend alot of time, energy and emotion to support it. There is an end goal but I know it isn't really an "end", just a change. I know this metaphor doesn't hold up if you stretch it too much so I won't - but that ever present-ness has dwindled for me lately. That may be normal for this stage - it's been six months, but I am too close to where I want to be to slack off now.

I do know that I'm feeling more like my new self than I have since before Christmas. Yesterday and today little things like how much milk I put in my coffee seem important again and I'm glad. I need to keep my eye on the prize and I was getting a little nervous about the small habits and patterns that were showing thier ugly little heads. I've said this before - every bite matters. And every workout matters. They both matter as much, if not more, in my mind than they do on the scale. And what's in my head translates to the scale every time.

These are some of my "little foxes that spoil the vineyards"...

1. Not measuring and thinking that it doesn't matter

2. Thinking that I should eat a cinnamon roll because "it's not every day that I make fresh baked cinnamon rolls"

3. What's a couple hundred extra calories in the big picture

4. Being impatient when I'm hungry and eating the easiest thing instead of the best thing

5. Thinking I deserve to eat what I want even if it's more than I need

These little thoughts, if they take root will lead me back down the road that got me in trouble to begin with. I remember being a pretty, slightly curvy 13/14 year old - being told and telling myself that was cute that I could eat a double whopper with cheese and still be "skinny". First of all, a double whopper with cheese is never cute. Second, the mentality of doing unhealthy things and escaping the consequences is pure folly - where did I get that mindset? Ok this is going beyond my silly little pregnancy analogy so I better stop, but it's something for me to think about.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 30

(end of week 29/beginning week 30)

On the Scale
Lost this week: 1.8

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 195.2
Total loss: 70.4

Unimpressed. The scale reflects my inability to bounce back completely from the holidays. For the weeks surrounding Christmas I decided to loosen up a bit on my calorie counting - not go crazy, but just allow myself a little more freedom. Its that freedom that I'm having trouble getting over. A bite here and there, an extra yogurt if I'm "hungry", five million clementines a day, that kind of thing. That together with not working out as much and you get 1.8 on the scale. Based planned calories in/calories out plan I consider 2 or more lbs a "good" week for me. I'm glad, in a way, that I didn't squeek by with 2 lbs. That would only encourage my recent behavior.
In the Kitchen
I have a few new tools. My husband bought me a panini grill. I'm really happy because the itty bitty Foreman grill I had before was a pain to clean and way to small to be useful. We also bought a new gas grill. We grill almost every night in the warm weather and a good bit in the cold too. But our old grill was just done. So there should be some wonderfully grilled lean meats in my future. I also bought a knife block recently to keep my better knives from getting ruined in the drawer.

This week my meal plan is incomplete. I got a subscription to Cooking Light magazine for Christmas. I'd like to try one or two new recipes a week.

Last night I made the most evil cinnamon rolls for the kids first day back to school today. My husband said they were the best thing I've ever made. I ate one last night and one this morning. I have no problem resisting things like that but when I worked hard to make them it's harder to pass up. Anyway, what's left is going to the freezer and book club.

At the Gym
I've all but abandoned C25K. I had gotten all the way up to the end of week 8. My last attempt at a 28 minute run didn't go well and then it got too difficult to keep up the schedule. It's all in my head but I keep coming up with reasons to not do it. I have however increased my walking incline and getting a great workout that way. So 30+ minutes between treadmill, elliptical and bike is what I'm doing for cardio. I'm I increased my weights recently and that has felt really good. This week my Ultimate Body Shop is going to be delivered. This is Jillian Michaels version of the Total Gym. My husband gets fitness reimbursement from work so we are using it to add to our home gym area. I can't wait to try this thing. I'll report back once I do.

In My Closet
Size 16 jeans are getting baggy. I bought a belt. I'd like to bypass 14 completely because at this rate I should be lower than that by the warm weather and I don't want to buy anything else for winter. I have a couple of things that are too big but for the most part I love my whole wardrobe right now. I will have to find a way to shrink some of my favorite new sweaters so I can wear them next year :)

Goals and Challenges
I need to find my focus and my drive - has anyone seen it? Part of the problem is that I look and feel pretty good. I'm at a lower weight than I've been for a very long time, I like my clothes, my fitness level is great. It's easy to forget why I'm doing this. I need to get my mind out of maintenence mode, I need to look in the mirror a little bit more, focus on some fitness goals, and get my tush to the gym more than 2x a week. I really want to get back to running. I loved it. I had high hopes of getting really good on the treadmill and then transitioning outside in the Spring.

The goal I'm working toward now is to lose a total of 100 lbs by my birthday at the end of April. It's within reach for sure. But only if I can regain the momentum and focus I had before.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 29

(end of week 28/beginning week 29)

On the Scale
Lost this week: 0

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 197
Total loss: 68.6

Another no loss week - totally logical based on the fact that I wasn't carefully counting calories and I ate more than I normally do. I have a couple of small regrets but mostly I'm happy with the way I behaved this holiday season. I can clearly see how I'm different and at the same time I haven't changed all that much - it's a good reality check to see how easily I can go back to my old mindset. It's that way of thinking that I have to gaurd against as much as what I put in my mouth.

I didn't eat like I used to. I didn't eat like I have been. I ate in between - like a "normal" (i.e. not fat) person who is generally healthy but has a few "treats" now and then. That's the person I am becoming. But I am not there yet - I am still a person who has a good deal of weight to lose and I have to behave like that person - until I arrive. I will eventually arrive at a weight that moves me into the category of a fit and healthy person who has to work to maintain a huge weight loss.

I'll post my goals and New Year's Reflections later... for now, I'm cleaning my house and drinking my water and listening to my little boys play with Star Wars figures like there is no tomorrow. Life is good.