Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 46

On the Scale
Weigh In: 178.6
Starting Weight: 265.6
Total Loss: 87
Loss this week: 2 ?

I've been going back and forth between this weight and 182 ish for a few weeks now. So I'm not sure of my actual net loss for the week. But I was almost 2 lbs higher yesterday - so I think I have finally beaten this little bump in the road and I'm solidly in the 170s. I'm not proud of the lack of progress I've made this entire month but I am happy to be gaining a little momentum.

In the Kitchen
I'm doing things a little bit differently to try to keep my calories low without going crazy. I'm not counting my fruit and veggie calories - except for things like bananas, peas, sweet potatoes, etc. This is a mind game I'm playing but it is serving me well this week. My intake range has been at 1200 - 1600 and at this stage that makes it a challenge to lose what I want to. I really need to stick closer to 1200 - but I find that really difficult. I feel whiny and deprived at that level. (notice I didn't really say I feel hungry... hmmm.) So my strategy this week was to keep close to the 1200 calorie mark for my protein, grains, etc. calories and then not bother counting my fruit and vegetables. I have been much more likely to grab a clementine or baby carrots when I feel the need to eat something. I guess that's the rationale behind WW new program. Anyway, it's working mentally because I always feel like I can have something to eat if I really want to. I'm also not "really" counting my coffee - I usually have 3 cups with approx. 1/4 cup of 1% milk. That's somewhere around 120 calories for my coffee. I just count it as 100 and move on - no matter how much I have. I try to keep it under 3 cups - and I try to go easy on the milk... this is not good math, and it's not proper calorie counting, but it's great for morale - as long as I'm losing. It gives me the sense of freedom I need but doesn't really impact my progress. Because I lost this week it's easy to say these things are working. If I had poor results I'd be saying I need to count more precisely... welcome to my version of crazy.

At the Gym
Decent week. I went to the gym 5/7 this week and I did some form of cardio every day but one. I've been walking the puppy in the morning and that has been a nice little boost to my calorie burn. Our new YMCA is opening in a couple weeks and that is so exciting. We joined a couple of months ago in anticipation of this. It's less than 10 minutes from my house and they are calling it the best Y in the country. I'm looking forward to adding spinning, swimming, etc. to my routine. We're keeping out gym membership because they're open 24/7 and it's really cheap but I think the whole family is going to benefit from the Y.

In my Closet

No change here for a while. I think I'll be a size 14 for the summer - even if I keep up the pace I'm at now (which I intend to) I don't think I'll need to go down a size until the fall - which is good for my budget. There's room for improvement at my current size. So maybe I'll see a 12 in the Fall... maybe a 10???

Goals and Challenges
I'm trying to give it all I've got to make it to June 21st at 100 lbs. lost. I know I'm not giving it ALL I've got... because I'm still doing things like eating a chocolate covered strawberry at book club last night and doing 30 minutes of cardio instead of 60.... I'm still partly lazy and partly afraid of burnout. I would love it if I could really give it all until June 21. I have 42 days counting today. What would it look like to give my all?

What does it look like when you are giving your all?

Monday, April 18, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 43

Current Weight: 182.2

Starting Weight: 265.6

Total Loss: 83.4

I haven't really done a proper weekly update for a couple of weeks.

I'm in a major funk. I've been having a hard time staying within my calories, I've eaten out too much, I've not been working out like I should. My kids are sick with this major flu-like thing that's been going around - and now an ear infection. I've done very little spring cleaning. I weigh pretty much what I weighed three weeks ago.

On the bright side - we got a new puppy and he's a sweetie. We've had our "Big Dog" for 10 years and he's turning into a grumpy old man. My boys are the perfect age for a puppy so we've been looking casually for a long time - not wanting to pay a breeder. We found this guy at the Humane Society and I fell in love instantly! The only dog we've ever had is a 100 lb. Lab so this little guy is a peanut in comparison - I even let him on the couch! Gasp!

I've known for a long time that real significant weight loss requires full-time focus and it's clear to me that my mind and life are really busy right now and my goals have taken a back seat. After losing so much already I feel fit and healthy so it's easier to forget that I still have weight to lose. Tonight we're doing pictures and measurements - maybe that will be a wake up call.

I should be able to regain my focus this week. My hubby left me notes of encouragement all over the house and even filled up my water cups. My gym just went to 24/7 instead of 24/4 so I should be able to work out more. I have my first 5K this coming Saturday and I KNOW I'll be walking a good majority of it - but I'm still excited. I haven't really gained anything even though my eating has not been perfect. My birthday is a week from tomorrow. I REALLY want to hit the 100lb mark by June 21st which is the one year anniversary of starting this whole journey. I can do it can't I? I think I can - but this morning I don't really KNOW I can. Well, so far so good today. One day at a time right?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

On the Scale Lost this week: 1.2 Starting Weight: 265.6 New Weight: 182.6 Total loss: 83 I had a great week and a modest loss. My weigh in last week was actually on Wednesday - so tomorow could show a little more. I tend to fluctuate at the begining of the week, probably due to drinking less water when I'm out and about on the weekend, but "whatever". I feel good. I was at a livable calorie level all week - I didn't even count meticulously, but I made the lowest choices I could most of the time. With the warm weather coming that means increased activity, and while I can't expect > 2 lbs a week if I don't lower my calories, I should be able to do at least this well. I think I'm content with that. My dramatic loss has already happened. I still want to lose 20 - 40 lbs but that will be much more subtle than the first 80+ . I'm in a happy place today. Emphasis on TODAY. As we all know, this weight loss thing is a roller coaster! At the Gym Solid week. Cardio 5/7 days. Weights 2/7. I upped my weight and I feel good about my progress. Last week I mentioned that I'm not enjoying the treadmill lately. That is still true. I'm just so bored by it. I'm glad to mix it up with other things. I'm looking forward to trying to run outside - I don't know yet how seriously I'll train yet, but it will be fun to try. Goals and Challenges 1. Eat Between 1200 and 1500 calories: Pretty close 2. Cardio Every Day: 5/7 Days, not too bad. I think I'll revise this because I did get tired and I felt like I needed the 2 days of rest. 3. Drink 64+ oz. Water: Check 4. Weight Training 2 - 3 X per Week: Check

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 39

On the Scale
Lost this week: 1.8

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 183.8
Total loss: 81.8

My little vacation a couple of weeks ago derailed me a little bit. Leading up to that point I had been doing very well, even cutting back my calories more. Afterward I found it hard to be focused. Too many restaurant meals and too much sodium and I felt like I had undone all my hard work. But just a few days back to my normal eating and exercise habits and I feel awesome. I drank a ton of water over the past few days and my rings fit normal again - I continue to be amazed at how much water retention affects me - I never knew this was a problem.

At the Gym
I'm really not loving the treadmill lately. I had a brief stint a while back where I thought I would really love running but lately I can't even bear walking on the treadmill for more than 20 minutes. I have a 5K in late April - and so far I have been hardly training at all. I think I will be able to start training outside soon, if the weather cooperates. I don't mind walking a good amount of it.

At the gym I have really been loving the ARC Trainer. I love it. I'm good at it. I get a great workout. Yay for finding something I really like. I am looking forward to more outdoor activity. We got to play baseball with the boys over the weekend and it really felt like spring. Then is snowed on Monday. Gotta love New England!

In My Closet
I'm ready for the warm weather. I have some cute dresses to wear :)

Goals and Challenges
So... about that April 26th deadline... that will not happen unless I cut off a limb or something. but I AM sure I will hit 100 lbs before June 21 - which is the anniversary of my starting this weight loss journey.

I'm going to track my goals daily and see if that helps:

1. Eat Between 1200 and 1500 calories
2. Cardio Every Day
3. Drink 64+ oz. Water
4. Weight Training 2 - 3 X per Week

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Due Date

I've written before how serious weight loss is like a pregnancy. The ever present thoughts and planning. The daily watching for physical changes. There are quite a few similarities.

Going with my metaphor, I'm almost at my due date. Not that I'm that close to my goal weight, but I've been on this weight loss trip since June 21 and that puts me at 38 weeks - almost full term :)

This helps me to deal with the recent funk I've been in. This is a long process - and I've been really focused for a very long time. And like a pregnant woman near her due date is done being pregnant and just wants to hold her baby, I am done with the calorie counting and worrying about how much I'm burning - I just want my new body !

But the problem with my metaphor is this: Serious weight loss is more like parenthood than pregnancy.

It's a life long commitment to a healthy lifestyle. I need to plan and preapare for daily nourishment and activity for my body. I need to make sacrifices and do what's good even when it's hard. I have to do the best I can and trust God for a what is not in my control. It's scary and not glamourous, and sometimes I will get puked on :) but it's worth it. And there is no due date. Once you are a parent, you are a parent every day for the rest of your life.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 38 "The Unthinkable"

Starting Weight: 265.6
Current Weight: 185.6

I did the unthinkable just now. I posted a gain. I weighed in yesterday and I am up 1 lb from my last recorded weigh-in. This is the first time that's happened since D-day - June 21. I know why it happened, which is better than unexplained weight gain, but it still isn't a happy feeling.

We went on a mini-vacation to the white mountains last week. What was supposed to be a high activity, maintain my weight kind of weekend turned into a barely any exercise, eat way too much, gain, kind of weekend.

I'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words. I came home last night from my book club meeting and just said to my husband "I need a break". I meant that I need a break from worrying about losing weight. That was the feeling that I had going in to vacation. I just felt tired of the mental part of weight loss. I just wanted to not think about it for a while. And so while we were away we ate things like Indian food and chocolate cake and pizza. I did make some semi-healthy choices and never went for any of the foods that I consider to be crossing the line. The trouble is, it wasn't a break. I still thought about it all the time. I didn't really enjoy most of what I ate and just felt like it wasn't worth it. I came back and the scale reported 3 or so pounds up - I know that was alot of sodium nonsense and I watched it go down a little each day until today where I had to own up to a genuine gain of 1 lb.

All week long I've been walking on the fence of going all out to lose weight, and eating things that are not helpful. Not enjoying the fruit of healthy eating, and equally not enjoying any real indulgences. I don't like this middle ground. I've always been an "all or nothing" person, and that has changed deeply - which is good, but I'm here feeling pretty annoyed with myself and not sure what to do about it.

I know I don't want to sit here in August and report that I am not at my goal weight or darn close to it. That kind of regret is more painful than this. I'm also looking to alot of funcitonal idols - I want a new coffee table, a puppy, a pedicure... all these things to fill the space that I would have previously filled with ice cream. The trouble is that space belongs to God, His blessings and walking in the good works he has planned for me - my family, a healthy lifestyle, etc.

Aha. No where to run.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,"
even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

That is part of Psalm 139 - which is not about weight loss, obviously. But it is about me and about Him. The truth is, because I'm not distracted by good things in the weight loss department I'm left feeling the void. That void is a GOOD thing. The void brings me to the cross where it can be filled in the right way by the right thing. And the other things will be put in their place.

So this is a good thing. This is a get my priorities straightened out thing.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Weekly Update - Week 37

(end of week 36/start of week 37)

On the Scale
Lost this week: 2.8

Starting Weight: 265.6
New Weight: 184.6
Total loss: 81

Its a sunny day here in New Hampshire! My weigh in was great. I did a few things this week that finally broke me out of my slump. I ate less and exercised more! Ha, who knew? But really, since the holidays I've been struggling - knowing that I needed to cut my calories back a bit if I wanted to continue to lose at the same rate but also enjoying not feeling deprived by eating more. I never waivered in my food choices but I would have a healthy snack I didn't need, or a larger portion than I should. I still lost weight but I wasn't in it to win it. That determination returned recently and I have made some difficult adjustments. But almost 3 lbs... that is a nice reward for my efforts. Now I've lost more than 80 lbs and I feel like I'm moving forward (or downward) again.

In My Kitchen
This week wasn't so much about creativity as it was about control. I cut back my calorie intake from 1600+ to between 1200 - 1600. That change meant mostly cutting back on snacks. All this time I've been a 3 meal 3 snack eater. But this week most days I had one or none most days. This hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. I am not an early riser so really, by the time I'm truly hungry after breakfast I am pretty close to lunch time. The hardest has been before dinner because I am hungry when I start to prepare dinner - and then late at night. We workout late and have pretty much always eaten something after the gym, or just late at night even when we don't workout. This week I had herbal tea at night, even when I could have justified a snack because of an intense workout. I decided not to eat my calorie defecit. What am I re-fueling for anyway? Bed? I think this is the change that has paid off the most. I'm not saying I'll never snack again, but I'm trying to pay more attention to my hunger and not eat it if I don't need it.

At the Gym
A great workout week. 5 workouts, 2 rest days. My cardio intensity continues to improve. I'm loving the Arc Trainer. I've also upped my weight in strength. I started using the bench press cage thingy at the gym (I think that's the technical name for it). I thought I was benching 50 lbs and I was proud - but it turns out the bar is 20 lbs so I'm actually up to 60! My husband tries not to be condecending when he high fives me after he benches well over 200.... I've tried a new ab maching and really concentrated on my triceps. I have to fill this saggy baggy arm skin with something! Anyway, I've been sore alot in a good way. We joined the local YMCA so I could have access to some classes and the kids could have the pool. I'm going to try kickboxing on Thursday and spinning next week. With the warm weather on it's way it should only get easier to get in more activity.

In My Closet
I'm still hovering between 16 and 14. I'm restraining myself because I don't want to buy too much at this size, but it's hard because it's been a long time since I've looked this cute :)

Goals and Challenges
I need to keep up these newly refined habits. I'm loving my late night tea and I certainly love losing almost 3 lbs this week so I have lots of incentive. We're going away for a few days this weekend so I'm a little worried about food - but we'll have lots of activity with swimming and snowshoeing so I think it will still be a good week. I have no idea what the hotel has for food and we don't have a kitchen in our room so I'm really not sure what I'll eat. I'll have to give it some serious thought.

Happy March everyone - in like a lion, out like a lamb