Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A Metaphor

I had a really deep weird thought recently and I'm not sure if I wrote about it before. I'm too lazy to go check so if this is a repeat you'll have to forgive me.

Losing weight is like being pregnant. When you are expecting it's an ever-present state. No matter what you're doing it's always with you, your body and your mind. You rarely forget about it, even for a moment. At most moments in your day it is the most significant thing going on for you. You day dream about the end result constantly, you spend alot of time planning and preparing your meals and actvities to make sure you keep your baby healthy. You know things will be very different at the end, but it won't be over because you will have a baby, a child, a person to nurture for the rest of your life.

So significant weight loss is like that for me - always on my mind, always the undercurrent to whatever else may be happening. I spend alot of time, energy and emotion to support it. There is an end goal but I know it isn't really an "end", just a change. I know this metaphor doesn't hold up if you stretch it too much so I won't - but that ever present-ness has dwindled for me lately. That may be normal for this stage - it's been six months, but I am too close to where I want to be to slack off now.

I do know that I'm feeling more like my new self than I have since before Christmas. Yesterday and today little things like how much milk I put in my coffee seem important again and I'm glad. I need to keep my eye on the prize and I was getting a little nervous about the small habits and patterns that were showing thier ugly little heads. I've said this before - every bite matters. And every workout matters. They both matter as much, if not more, in my mind than they do on the scale. And what's in my head translates to the scale every time.

These are some of my "little foxes that spoil the vineyards"...

1. Not measuring and thinking that it doesn't matter

2. Thinking that I should eat a cinnamon roll because "it's not every day that I make fresh baked cinnamon rolls"

3. What's a couple hundred extra calories in the big picture

4. Being impatient when I'm hungry and eating the easiest thing instead of the best thing

5. Thinking I deserve to eat what I want even if it's more than I need

These little thoughts, if they take root will lead me back down the road that got me in trouble to begin with. I remember being a pretty, slightly curvy 13/14 year old - being told and telling myself that was cute that I could eat a double whopper with cheese and still be "skinny". First of all, a double whopper with cheese is never cute. Second, the mentality of doing unhealthy things and escaping the consequences is pure folly - where did I get that mindset? Ok this is going beyond my silly little pregnancy analogy so I better stop, but it's something for me to think about.

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