Why did I wait?

I blew past my first real goal this morning - to lose 10% of my body weight. I'm part of the way into week 9 and things have been difficult but smooth for the most part.

So I've lost 27+ lbs and it's been pretty "easy". I know it hasn't actually been easy - it's been alot of hard work. Meal planning, keeping the kitchen stocked, preparing 99% of meals at home, going to the gym after 9 p.m. 3-5 times a week... none of that is easy. There have been a few moments of temptation but for the most part I've just been doing "what is needful" and I have done it without kicking and screaming. So the question I'm asking myself is "why did I wait?" Why did I wait until I was seriously concerned about my health and my quality of life? Why did I wait until my kids were old enough to notice that I am fat? Why did I wait until I had 100+ lbs to lose?? If it was this easy why didn't I do this sooner?

My husband and I discussed this last night after a really, really large woman was behind us in line buying Depends at the grocery store at 10:30 p.m. I'm making a few assumptions here but stick with me for the sake of my point. She was probably in her late 50s. Judging by her appearance she probably has high blood pressure and diabetes. She waddled, kind of hunched over, instead of walking with strength with her head held high. She was buying incontinence products - so she likely has bladder control problems. She looked very sad. Of course you can't judge a book by it's cover but even if I'm dead wrong about all of these things there are many many people out there who have let preventable health problems ruin their quality of life - I was on track to be that lady. My husband's co-worker's dad is about to lose his foot and his eyesight to diabetes, I know a few single 20 something young ladies who would love to be married but in reality have hindered their potential to meet prince charming because of their weight. Why does it ever get to that point? Why don't more of us have the wake-up call when our jeans are a little too tight - long before we ever have to go over to the plus size section.

I'm not going to try to analyze the reasons for getting fat but the clearest reason I can see for staying fat is that it really takes 100% focus and commitment to lose weight in a healthy way. Of all the times I tried to lose weight in the past that is what I lacked - not the tools or the know-how, just the focus and the commitment. Life gets in the way of weight loss. Stress or celebration or change - any of those things could potentially cause me to lose focus. I think deep down I knew that just one healthy choice or one healthy day/week/month wouldn't solve my weight problem - it would take a total life change. Total commitment. I wasn't ready to give my whole life to solve this problem. I am now.

What exactly is needful?

"Remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me
neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say, "Who is the LORD?" or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God. " (Proverbs 30:8-9)

This verse is not really about food. It's about the condition of our hearts. The fatal condition that causes me to slack off on my devotion when things are good and even when they are horrible. It's about idolatry - wanting what I don't need and valuing what is not best. There's more in there, but that's how it relates to this blog.

This blog is about me and my needs (it's my blog right?). What I need most is to be content and satisfied with what the Lord gives me - to look to Him for my daily bread and for my joy, satisfaction, peace, freedom, etc. All of those things are the "needs" and He is the solution to all of them.

Here's the link: If I am looking to God for my daily bread (only the food that is needful for me) I will feel conviction over gluttony and other besetting sins that are really rooted in idolatry.

Practically speaking this is my weight loss blog. I have finally applied my desire to "honor God with my body" to my health.

Even more practically - I need to lose weight. I need to have self-control, self-discipline and to value a healthy future with my kids more than I value the freedom to eat whatever I want whenever I want.

So that's the really chaotic and not completely logical story behind the name of this blog. Get it?

... feed me with the food that is needful

Today I came across this verse - Proverbs 30:7-9 - scribbled in my journal. I was searching for a name for this blog that described it's purpose and had a character that would make it relevent beyond it's immediate scope and into the future.

What is needful? Did I do a good job choosing a name? You don't know yet because you have no idea what this blog is about.

I promise, If you come back, I will tell you with lots of pictures and witty and relevant words.